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The media says ‘Aviator Joe’ is back — but how would Biden look in these shades

“Aviator Joe,” The New York Times proclaimed, “is back.”

Linking President Biden’s mojo to his choice in sunglasses, The Times breathlessly claimed the “Top Gun”-esque aviator shades were an “emblem” of his “continued vigor,” even though “vigor” and “Biden” are two words that shall never meet.

But if Tom Cruise’s stolen sunglasses send the message of a winning president, what sort of eyewear would Biden don most days? After all, the media can only ignore high inflation, a border disaster and terrible poll numbers for so long. Pretty soon Aviator Joe will have to trade them in for one of these . . .

ECONOMIST JOE

Joe Biden with large green sunglasses
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A recession that can’t be called a recession. “Transitory” inflation. A turnaround that’s just about to happen . . . almost. When Biden gives one of his economic addresses, he should don these and play “Yakety Sax.”

RETIRING JOE

Joe Biden wearing star-shaped sunglasses
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It’s been a long half-week at the office, and Biden’s heading back to Delaware for a relaxing game of mahjong, a tune-fish sandwich and a nap. Hey Ethel, “Perry Mason” reruns are on!

BLUE PILL JOE

Biden wearing reflective sunglasses
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Biden stays in “The Matrix,” the unreality where the public is fully behind the Democratic agenda. Crime isn’t going up, the midterms look great, Afghanistan was a success . . .

GREEN JOE

Biden wearing sunglasses
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Hey, take it easy man. We’re gonna pass that Green New Deal, take a puff and everything will be mellow. What is “debt” anyway? All we need is love . . . and an IRS that audits the hell out of poor.

HUNTER JOE

Biden in large black sunglasses
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Gucci glasses for a weekend at the Chateau Marmont with my son. Just as long as that check from the Chinese clears it’s room service all week! Nothing but the best for the Big Guy.

BASEMENT JOE

Biden wearing gag "disguise" glasses
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The press is outside? People want to ask questions? Better put these on and try to slip away as my alter-ego, “Brandon.” It worked to get elected. The less Joe they see the better. 

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